Brooke's Scooby Doo Dissertation

Stolen right from Brooke's blog:

So, how is Scooby Doo supposed to be talking, and why is it that everyone can understand him? And how do they solve the case if there are no clues? Don't they ever just stay in and watch movies instead of getting marooned on deserted islands, running into ghosts, and magically solving a mystery that the local cops can't figure out? Are the local cops so dumb that it takes a man wearing a neckerchief, a dumb blonde, a super smart (how come she isn't the one always figuring stuff out? Why is it always Fred doing the explaining? Has she not found the feminist movement yet, and told Fred to shut the heck up?) chic, a stoner, and a dog that can talk? And why isn't Scooby more popular if he's a talking dog? I've never seen a talking dog. A counting one, but never a talking one. Why does Shaggy never seem to gain a pound? If I ate that much, I wouldn't be able to walk, and I'd have to go on the Wife Swap, and make some other lady feel sorry for me so she'll want to pay for my gastric bypass surgery, but I'll still tell her she's a heathen. And who is laughing in the background? Why would they tape people for a laugh track when it's a bunch of kids watching, who don't even recognize (let alone know what it is) a laugh track? There's absolutely no reason for it. Why is the bad guy always a creepy old guy? And everything involves some sort of fictional character, like ghosts, werewolves, witches, and the like. Won't they ever figure out that it's never a "real" ghost, and they should just go about their way to find the treasure, or whatever else is missing? And where can I find some Scooby snacks? It's like Popeye's spinach. Scooby can do anything as long as he has his snacks. What's the difference between eating one Scooby snack and then chasing the ghost, as opposed to chasing the ghost, taking off his mask, and then having a feast of Scooby snacks. Better yet, just staying at home and chillin like a villain, and not chasing anything! Why go to "the old haunted mansion?" They know what's there!!